One of Those

Today I felt tangled up and navy blue and grouchy. It was one of those mornings where socks were lost and someone dumped legos on someone else's battleship and hair gel was too sticky and feelings were hurt. Mostly mine. Because nothing knots me up more than realizing how bad I am at this. Not saying that in the sort of way I say "these jeans looks terrible on me" so he'll come in on cue and tell me how fabulous I look and in fact I'm resembling Jennifer Aniston a little and wow I'm rocking an awesome hair day too.  (Though I do enjoy that game honey so please don't stop.) I mean when I have those moments where I honestly look at my mom fails and I cannot believe God chose me to be somebody's mother. Times two! And not just anybody, but two awesome, sweet, crazy kids that deserve the best. And I read the chapter where God defines true love and I tick off my deficits like a grocery list of guilt.

Love is patient 
Love is kind 
It does not envy 
It does not boast 
It is not proud
It does not dishonor others
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered.
It does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Make it stop! Can I uncover my eyes now? It's worse than stepping on the scale after Thanksgiving. And then to add to the mess, God doesn't play the same game as my husband. When I sit here in the guilty aftermath and tell God how awful I am, He does something terrible. He agrees with me! No flattery or excuses or telling me how much better I am than that lady on the news who left her kid at the bank for an hour before she realized she forgot him.  Just this awful list.  And if I needed further convincing, a dozen other verses to remind me He's right.

"All our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment..."  
"No one does good, not even one."
"All have fallen short of the glory of God..."

And if you have trouble believing God's own words, just take a look around.  From the really bad stuff that makes the cover of People to the everyday mom fails we cutesy up with a hashtag.  None of us are getting this right all the time.  Even when the children have eaten organic vegetables in the shape of bunny rabbits and danced in the homemade bubbles we made in the garage and we are at our pinterest best, we will never be able to conquer that list.  So what then?  Well if you're like me, you're already heading for the pantry and that row of Oreos but wait.  Step away from the  Double Stuff for just a sec and keep reading.  Because along with the verses that say I can't and I'm not enough and I never will, there are other verses.  Just as important and every bit as true.  Verses like...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind; is anything too hard for Me?"
"The Lord is my strength and my shield...and He helps me."
"Nothing is impossible with God."
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

And my favorite, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." 
And the relief is real.  On my own?  Total failure. Even God agrees. (Ouch!)  But relying on Him, asking for His strength, being empowered by His Spirit, receiving grace and help and forgiveness and unending love.  Well all of a sudden, this list doesn't look so horrible after all.  And the Oreos just might live to be devoured another day.

So go ahead and tape that list to your frig!  It doesn't scare us now.  Love those kids today because you can.  
You can do all this through Him who gives you strength!